30 Reasons Why Beer is Better Than Women

They say the only thing better than a woman is another woman. Well, that must be inaccurate because I found something better; beer.

Beer doesn’t have a mouth to complain, nag, or scold. It doesn’t throw out your clothes while yelling at the whole neighborhood. Beer is a silent partner.

Since the dawn of the internet, men have been comparing beer to women and arguing over the better option.

We decided to chyme in and present our take on the argument. These are the 30 reasons why beer is better than women:

1. You Can Love on Beer All Month

You Can Love on Beer All Month

With beer, there is no downtime. There are no off-weeks, and you don’t have to deal with mood swings. Beers don’t need chocolate and ice cream buckets on their off days. And do you know why?

Because beer does go through a menstruation cycle, period!


2. Beer Stains Easily Wash Out

You can take your beer to bed without worrying about messing your sheets. And if it spills, you can easily clean your bedding because beer stains wash out. You can not say the same about women, especially on their off days.


3. Beers Don’t Need Wining and Dining

You don’t need a lot of effort to impress a beer. You can just place your order at the counter, and she, I mean it, is yours. For women, you must pay for a hot day, write a 30-minute comedy routine, and still not have a sip by the night’s end.


4. Beers Wait Patiently in the Car

Beers Wait Patiently in the Car

Since turning 21 😜, I have never seen an angry brown bottle impatiently hooting while I’m by the ATM machine. Beer is patient, and it will wait for you. It will even remain cool despite how long you take.


5. If a Beer is Flat, You Can Always Toss it Out

Beer rarely goes flat. And if it did, you can always toss it out for a fresher drink. If we could do this to women, we’d all be canceled.


6. Beers Will Always Go Down Easy

Whether you’re drinking a light lager or a high-density porter, beer will always go down easy. You may end up with a bloated stomach or burb a few times, but eventually, the beverage will go down. You cannot say the same about women. They will need a motivational speech before they go down on you.


7. You Can Always Share Beers With a Couple of Mates

You Can Always Share Beers With a Couple of Mates

Men share many things; cars, stories, clothes, and other personal effects. One thing men can’t share is women. If you did that, you’d be a trafficker. And not even the cool kind.


8. With Beers, You Can Always Tell That You’re the First to Crack it Open

A bottle can only hold so much beer. You can’t pass around a beer like you do a woman. Goodness knows how many times these women have been around the block.

When I get a bottle by the bar, I know I was the first to pop.


9. Beers Are Always Wet

Beers never disappoint because they are always wet. Unlike beers, women need a fertility ritual to moisturize. You need to twist some knobs and lick some flaps. I don’t have a manual, but I know it’s a complicated process.


10. Beer Labels Strip Without a Fight

Beer Labels Strip Without a Fight

Since beers are always wet, they’ll let you strip off their labels without objection. Women are not easily convinced. They need assurances. Sometimes, it feels like a hostage negotiation.


11. Beers Don’t Demand Equality

For centuries men have loved beers, and the brews have loved them back. Beers have never entertained the idea that they are equal to men. They have never held protests or marches for equal pay.


12. Beers are Never Late

Beers don’t need hours to get ready. Now you’re in the car, alone, and scrolling through your phone. That Corona Extra six-pack looks good; place an order.

My girlfriend even got late when we had no plans. She was texting me at work and saying, “I’m late!” Whatever that means.


13. Hangovers Eventually Go Away

No matter who you love, there’ll always be gloomy days. For beers, it’s the hangovers, and they eventually go away. Women never truly bury the hatchet. Why does my girl keep reminding me about that thing I did ten years ago?


14. Beers Don’t Get Jealous When You Grab Another

A bottle of beer

Beer is not the jealous type. If one bottle doesn’t satisfy you, grab another. You can even stick six cans on a drinking helmet and suck from all of them simultaneously.

Now I’m sleeping on the couch because I tried to grab another woman.


15. When You Visit a Bar, You’re Assured to Pick a Beer

Over the years, I’ve visited countless bars and an infinite number of nightclubs. And every time I walked out with a bottle of beer.

I’ve never been as lucky with girls. A pick-up shouldn’t be as tough as a job interview. Why does she want to know my plans for the next five years?


16. Beers Don’t Mind Staying In the Wet Paddles They Create

Like loving on a woman, enjoying a beer is a messy affair. Beers get so wet that they leave water paddles all over the place. But beer will never mind if you put it back into the same mess it’s created.

Last week I had to toss the sheets in the washer because she said they were nasty. Well, who made the mess in the first place?


17. When Messing With A Beer, The Only Thing You’ll Catch is a Buzz

When Messing With A Beer, The Only Thing You'll Catch is a Buzz

Beers are sanitary objects. You dont need protection when messing with them because you know a buzz is the only thing you’ll catch. I messed with this chick a few weeks ago and got a rash.


18. After Having a Beer, Your Only Commitment is Disposing of the Bottle

When you drink a beer, It doesn’t wake up beside you asking, “What are we now?” The only commitment a beer requires is disposing of the empty can.


19. Beers are Low-Maintenance Companions

For $3.49, you can have a cold Sierra Nevada IPA in the grasp of your fingers. I’m yet to find a three-dollar woman.


20. There’s No Sence in Crying Over a Beer When You Can Always Have Another

Abandonment by a woman can cause a lot of devastation in men. Some people take to weeks to regain confidence, and others never recover. Beers are different. They don’t crush your spirit when everything is over. And you can always get another beer (immediately).


21. Home Beer Doesn’t Doesn’t Mind Smelling Pub Beer on Your Breath

Home Beer Doesn’t Doesn’t Mind Smelling Pub Beer on Your Breath

You can walk into a bar, drink a beer, head home, retrieve another beer from your fridge, and enjoy yourself. Your fridge beer won’t mind that you had a different beer in the club. It will enjoy your company regardless.

Now you’re sleeping on the couch because you have glitter on your face. Beer didn’t kick you out of your own bed.


22. You Can Enjoy a Beer in Public

You can have a beer in the open, at the movies, or in a public park. You can’t do the same with women.


23. Beer Still Looks Gorgeous in the Morning

When you can drink your beer and go to bed, nine times out of ten, the bottle will be as beautiful as it was the previous night, except maybe for a ripped label or a mangled bottle top.

With women, you’ll find detached eyelashes and smudged makeup on the sheets.


24. Beer Doesn’t Care About Waking the Kids

You can have a beer late at night. Even if you want to try something new, like crashing the can, the beer won’t worry about waking the kids. With your wife, it’s the opposite. You must work in stealth.


25. Beer Doesn’t Have a Mother

Beer Doesn’t Have a Mother

Beer doesn’t have a mother to visit you every other weekend. A mother who’ll talk down about your brewing equipment in the garage. With beer, there’s no mother-in-law to pressure you about having kids.


26. Beer is Never Overweight

Your favorite beer brand will never gain weight over the years. Women are different from beer in this perspective.


27. Beer Won’t Take Away Half Your Wealth

When you’re done with one beer, it lets you move on. It doesn’t hire lawyers and grab half your wealth. You also don’t pay alimony. Unlike women, beers won’t ruin you financially.


28. Beer Doesn’t Complain About Your Driving

Beer doesn’t mind your driving style. Sharp breaking makes beer foam and froth all over your cup holder. Beer lets you navigate in peace. Because it knows it has a terrible sense of direction, it keeps its silence.


29. Beer Doesn’t Scold You For Your Bad Manners

Beer will never be hard on you for your bad habits. If anything, beer supports farting, belching, and peeing on yourself. Beer is understanding.


30. Beer Doesn’t Complain About Toilet Seats

Beer doesn’t care about toilet seats.

“If you want your toilet seat down, why don’t you drop it yourself?” My beer told my wife the other day.


Did We Miss Anything?

Those are 30 reasons why beer is better than women. Did we leave out any reasons? Share your opinions in the comment section below.

30 Reasons Why Beer is Better Than Women

5 thoughts on “30 Reasons Why Beer is Better Than Women”

  1. Unlike woman beer is best when it’s cold. When a woman is cold don’t even think about it. When a beer is cold you get as much as you want.

  2. “With beer, there’s no mother-in-law to pressure you about having kids.”

    What’s the point of being with a woman if you’re not going to have kids? That’s a very modern leftist mentality.


Leave a Comment